


Midnight Confessions

by Thatonelyric



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Confessions, Crushes, Diary/Journal, Dirty Thoughts, F/M, Lily Evans' Diary, M/M, Sex, Sirius and Remus are gay ur welcome, dirty - Freeform, thoughts of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:27:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23518420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatonelyric/pseuds/Thatonelyric
Summary: Lily confesses her feelings for James in her diary, as well as thoughts regarding the love lives of others.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans, James Potter/Original Female Character(s), Marlene McKinnon/Adam McKinnon, Reginald Cattermole/Mary Macdonald, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Midnight Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Quarantine forces me to write again, so now my only excuse not to write is procrastination. Also I'm bored so I guess I'm writing. This is a bit different from what I normally write, but it was based on a prompt that my former English teacher gave me, and I decided to continue it. Hope you like it!
> 
> Also the Grass Roots are pretty cool (thanks Creed Bratton/The Office), and that's how I got the title.

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9/26/77

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A few days ago, I recalled writing an entry from a few months ago, which, as expected, was angrily directed at Potter and some foolish thing he said to me that I had since forgotten. However, upon further curiosity as to why this memory would strike me now, I looked back in this journal and found the unknown subject that had bothered me: Potter’s nickname for me (I really should be calling him James; we agreed to be friends quite a while ago, but old habits die hard). The day he called me “Snaps” instead of his usual “Evans”, or “Lily”, bothered me to the bone, but I could not figure out the origin of the name for some time, until I finally confronted Sirius about it, learning it was simply related to my red hair and the fact that bloody James Potter loves ginger snaps.  
However, to return to my original intent of this entry, I must confess something I have only told Remus (or rather, he told me). I may or may not fancy James Potter. It is a terrible realization, yes, for how could a woman such as myself fancy a man who thrives when pranking and receiving an endless amount of detentions? How could I fancy a man who humiliated Sev to the ends of the earth, quite frequently throughout our time here at Hogwarts?  
I suppose the answer is simple. Although this sounds cliche, James has changed these past two years; our adventures together may have affected him, for he no longer torments poor first years, we don’t fight as much as we used to, and I have reason to believe that he has given up smoking. I want to say the latter is due to my influence, since I told him all those months ago about Dad’s lung cancer, so I will continue to believe that this is so.  
Of course James now has a girlfriend (who happens to be one of my dorm mates), however, I am not the type to meddle with such things. I believe life will turn out as it is intended, and it is not my job to interfere. My job, for the time being, is to continue with my studies and pass every one of my NEWTS.  
Nevertheless, these feelings for my housemate render me sleepless; I’m up most nights at the bay window staring into the moonlight. I love how it reflects upon the lake. It’s pure and innocent, unlike my foolish thoughts towards James. But perhaps my thoughts are innocent; as I’ve previously mentioned, I have no intention of acting upon them.  
Be that as it may, I’m afraid to sleep; nearly every night over this past summer, my dreams have been filled with James. His hair, his arms, his glasses, all of it has frightened me enough to keep me from laying my head on my pillow and resting, for my innocent thoughts may eventually turn into guilty ones.  
In less complicated news, Marlene and Adam are finally dating; it took long enough, in my opinion. Mary and Reg, and Sirius and Remus are still going strong. I have great faith in all of these relationships. As for my own love life, I will allow fate to work its mysterious magic and hope no one is hurt in the end.

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10/4/77  
It is midnight, and yet again, I cannot sleep. I find myself longing for Potter (I mean James) even when awake, so perhaps sleep is an option I may soon accept. Although fortunately my studies have not dropped, I’m quite sleepy during the day, stretching and yawning every now and then in class and mealtimes. I cannot allow this insomniac period of mine to continue any longer. I spoke with Alice yesterday, and she said that I mustn't worry extensively; Carmen is surely similar to the others James has dated; a fling, and a short one at that. I hope Alice is correct regarding the time frame of their affinity for each other. I too give them a few months at most. I’m not sure if James has ever pursued a relationship for longer.  
Although I’m aware that this entry is certainly not as long as the previous one, I feel exceptionally tired and must now go to sleep, and pray that I dream of James. Wait, no. I meant to write “and pray that I dream”. Not again! I’m going to write the sentence correctly this time. I pray that I do not dream of James Potter, ever again, if I must add. And I suppose I must, for my fancying him has caused internal chaos. And by that I mean, I cannot stop thinking of him.  
This entry does not sound like me. I am not one to become distracted by foolish schoolboys. If I were in a novel of some sort, I would seem entirely out of character to the readers (not that anyone would ever want to read my story; it’s much too boring).

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11/3/77  
I understand that it has been more than a month since I have written. I apologize (did I truly just apologize to a journal? Merlin’s sake, I may be losing it) for my withdrawal of writing. I’ve been sleeping better now, and James, thankfully, has no longer been haunting my dreams. I’m surprised that I’ve managed to work so well with him this year. Or perhaps not; Head Boys and Head Girls are meant to work well together. Oh, Dumbledore is wise in his mysterious, twinkly ways, and I have never doubted his thinking.  
Four nights ago I spent Halloween Eve with James, preparing the Great Hall with the great decorations for the next day. He was distant, and it was hard to keep up a conversation. This was not due to the fact that I fancy him; rather I dislike awkward silences. I do hope he hasn’t taken up smoking again; has he forgotten what I told him of my father?  
Never mind. I must write about something besides James. Like I have said in my previous entry, it is not like me to have my thoughts consumed by boys. For some unrelated news, Alice and Frank are engaged! I expect they will wed after graduation. What happy times for them! Alice said I will be her maid of honour, and I am ecstatic at the thought of this. It’s honestly terrifying, growing up, but I suppose it must happen to all of us someday. It’s not surprising that Frank and Alice are the first to grow in this way. I believe that they have fancied each other more than anyone on earth. What an exciting event this will be! I expect either James or Remus will be the best man at the wedding; they’re his best friends, after all.  
And what a lovely time to get married, too, at the brink of war, summertime… Life could not be any better for my friends.  
And now, I must sleep, since I am doing so these days, apparently. I hope I dream of Alice, Frank, and their wedding… oh how lovely their future will be… I expect children will be in it. I cannot wait to meet them.  
Goodnight.

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**Author's Note:**

> Stay safe, STAY AT HOME, wash your hands, and give kudos and comments!


End file.
